We’re just a few weeks into the new year and it’s starting to sink in that you set some pretty lofty goals and now you’re scratching your head to figure out how you’re really going to transition from your current reality to your future desired state.  If you’ve gotten this far – you’re on a positive path.  Others may be saying – “These goals are way too tough!  I’ll be better off just sticking to what I know and where I am.”  These folks are throwing their hands up in the air and running from the discomfort of necessary change.

What are you going to do?

First, if you want to have some fun – ask yourself how tolerant you are of change and uncertainty.  Setting goals from our frame of mind today may evolve into a modified goal as we collect more information and experience along the path of achieving the goal.  We need to be flexible.  We need to be outreaching.  We need to be networking. We need to be  open-minded.

Here are some questions

The purpose of this questionnaire is to help you assess your personal tolerance for change and uncertainty, as well as measure your behavioral flexibility. You should respond to each statement indicating the degree to which it is true or false regarding you and your communication: 

• Always False (answer 1)  
• Usually False (answer 2) 
• Sometimes False and Sometimes True (Answer 3)
• Usually True (answer 4)                                           
• Always True (answer 5)

 

1. I am comfortable in new situations.
    1     2     3     4     5

2. I deal with unforeseen problems successfully.
    1     2     3     4     5

3. I experience little discomfort in ambiguous situations.
    1     2     3     4     5

4. I am relaxed in unfamiliar situations.
    1     2     3     4     5

5. I am not frustrated when things do not go the way I expected.
    1     2     3     4     5

6. I can adapt my behavior to others.
    1     2     3     4     5

7. I adapt my behavior to the situation in which I find myself once I know what behavior is required.
    1     2     3     4     5

8. I can modify the way I come across to people, depending on the impression I want to give them.
    1     2     3     4     5

9. I generally understand the behavior expected in various situations.
    1     2     3     4     5

10. I can accurately interpret the behavior of others who are different.
     1     2     3     4     5

To determine your score, add the numbers you circled for each statement.  Scores range from 10 to 50.

The higher your score, the greater your tolerance for change and ability to behaviorally adapt to uncertain circumstances.

So now you have a heightened awareness of how flexible you are.  Let’s now look at the dynamics of change. 

• Three types of change:  Mandatory – Negotiable – Voluntary   For each of these, various problems and opportunities can be encountered.  It’s important to have the right attitude and aptitude to manage the dynamics of each type.
• A Change Model:  
  1. The Present State – the way things are today; how the organization functions prior to the change.  Conduct Appreciative Inquiry. 
  2. The Transition State – the period between the current and future state, when things are not yet what they will be, but are different from the way they were in the past. 
  3. The Future State – the way things will be when the change has been successfully completed; the ideal state we desire after the change. 

 I know – still pretty basic.  Listen, what were talking about here is not complex…it’s simple – it just isn’t easy to execute because WE simply get in our own way.   My last message/blog was about refusing to retreat to old ways of doing things.  That’s the easy way out.  We need to lean into the discomfort of change by harnessing our energy in the transition phase of change. 

Let’s take a closer look at the transition phase and some things you can do to move through it toward your future desired state.

Characteristics of Transition:

1. High uncertainty, low stability, no boundaries
2. There is high energy, often undirected
3. People experience a great deal of emotional stress
4. There is increased conflict, particularly inter-group conflict
5. Poor, insufficient and conflicting information
6. Inconsistency is perceived to be prevalent.  Control becomes an issue
7. Past pattern of behavior become explicitly and reverently valued as “The good old days.”

Whether you are leading the change, below is what people need. 

1. Information : Tell people what’s going on.  Ask people what’s going on. What’s going to happen, when, how, why? Changes and updates as they occur. 
2. Inclusion: Include others  in the planning process. Genuine buy-in on the change vision. You don’t want any naysayers.
3. Support: Two-way communication.  Help to disengage from the old.  Extra resources to manage the change.
4. Safety: “Islands of stability.”  Convey to others that some things are staying the same.  If you are the change – pace yourself; don’t change everything at once.  It’s rare when all things must need to change.
5. Skills: Training for new tasks and coaching for new roles.  Build your people  If you expect to grow the business by 30% it will only happen if you grow your people.
6. Freedom: Free from blame, so they will take risks.  Ability to travel and meet so they can learn and support each other.  If you are the change – be sure you don’t blame those in your path, this will free your mind and energy to focus on more positive things.
7. Rewards: Intangible rewards such as affirmation and acknowledgments.  Tangible rewards such as celebrations along the way and promotions at the end.  If you are the change, find friends with whom to celebrate .

 

NOTE: Any significant change in a person’s routine –whether an intentional planned change, a sudden surprise, or a growing awareness that one is moving into a different life state – will start a cycle of reaction and feelings that is predictable and observable.  The cycle has seven phases.

1.  Immobilization:   Overwhelmed.  Unable to understand
2. Denial:   Minimization of impact.  False hope.  Not accepting real change
3. Depression/Anger:              Frustration. Sense of loss.  Don’t know how to cope
4. Letting go: Accepting the reality that old ways are no longer valid. 
5. Testing:   Beginning to try out some new ways
6. Searching for Meaning: Try to merge past into present, -possibly future
7. Internalization:   Incorporating a new sense of reality into one’s behavior.

As you embark on the rest of January 2011 and the year at large, I hope you find the concepts in this blog to be timely and helpful.

Deb Titus
President of Human Capital Solutions, LLC
Authorized Dale Carnegie Consultant
Myers Briggs Type Indicator
603.434.4042
deb@debtitus.com

Goals can often be an energizing tool for people.  When the goals are very challenging, those folks with less tolerance for risk will retreat to their limiting boundaries.

Well, this year I say…refuse to retreat!  This year muster it up and breakthrough some outdated, no-longer-valid boundaries. 

Moving beyond where you are takes three elements:

1. Know where you currently are.  Be able to identify your Current Reality.
2. Know where you want to go.  Have a vision. Identify your Future Desired State.
3. Develop and enact an Action Credo to get you from point A to point B.

 I know, this is too vague and simple.  It’s just the start.

1. Current Reality is simply the way it is now.  What “it” looks like; how it feels; how it operates; what goes right; what goes wrong; what the headaches are; what is static; what is fantastic.  All of these questions helps to define one’s current reality.  Not just in a broad sense, but in a specific, micro sense.  No matter how positive or negative the currently reality may be, a future desired state can always be better.
2. Future Desired State is your Vision.  The way you want things to be.  This too can be done on both a macro and micro level.  Taking a look at your position (the forest) as well as specific functions of your position, (the trees).  A vision is a clear snapshot that fosters an image of you in a desired state. Without this vision committing to an action credo is unlikely.  
3. Action Credo is a combination of your talk and your walk.  To get from current reality to a future desired state, it will clearly demand some “walking” as well as a belief and commitment in the talk.  After all, it’s the talk that gives direction.  To get you to the future desired state you’ll want to be sure that the talk and walk are congruent.

 As Peter Senge author of  one of my favorite books, The Fifth Discipline states, the space between your current reality and future desired state is called Creative Tension.  It’s what we do with this tension that either maintains the status quo or makes the extraordinary happen.  Let’s go for the extraordinary!

So let’s take a look at defining what a boundary actually is.

First off, let’s agree that boundaries can be both real and perceived.  Boundaries can be functional and dysfunctional.

A Boundary is a limit.  Boundaries can be real or perceived.  They can be situation – specific and therefore change.   These boundaries can be rules, laws, truths, perceptions, myths, and absolutes surrounding you and your activities in business and elsewhere. Real and perceived boundaries can perform in a way that are  functional (serving the person or organization productively) or dysfunctional (serving the individual or organization unproductively).   

Boundaries are the product of values and beliefs.  These are the components of boundaries that act as their main structure.   

A Value is a principle, standard, or quality considered worthwhile or desirable.

A Belief is something that is accepted as a truth.    This truth becomes a standard.  The standard takes form as a boundary (physical or figuratively)

A Real Boundary can be temporary or permanent yet either way for the moment and circumstance, they are unchangeable and action needs to be focused on working within in these terms.

It is absolute, non-negotiable, it just is.  It has been explicitly communicated, it is observable, it can present itself as a ticking clock and the dwindling time to complete a project.

 A Perceived Boundary is based on what is inferred, assumed to be.  It is negotiable yet appears to be otherwise..  This quality is not broadcast typically; rather, the individual or group understands that the boundary appears to be real.  Depending on the individual or group’s views on boundaries, they may not view this as negotiable and therefore, this boundary will act as a real boundary. 

Here is the process for first assessing if your boundaries are going to help you or hinder you.  NOTE: no where in this blog entry do I support breaking the law if some of the real, mandated boundaries don’t work in your favor.

1. State your goal on the top of a blank page.
2. Below it, sketch out a table with approximately 5 rows and 8 Columns.  Each of the columns will represent a step in the process.  List as many things as you can for each column.  The column headers should be:
   • The Boundaries
   • Origin of boundaries
   • Positive consequences of boundaries (emotional and physical)
   • Negative consequences of boundaries (emotional and physical)
   • Boundaries congruent with goal? (Y/N)  You would then put a Y or N in spaces below.
   • Do I have the desire/ability to accomplish the goal?
   • Breakthrough Thoughts

 The key here is that if you are operating with limited thinking and treating perceived boundaries as real, you will have a hard time reaching your goal.  If you find the emotional consequences are challenges such as : holds me back, people will think I’m crazy, I may pull away from the middle, there could be resentment, these consequences may be pointing you more toward your goal.  These can be converted to being quite positive; so don’t let someone else’s language fool you.

The process essentially asks us to challenge our mental models of what can be. Refust to retreat to an old way of thinking.  Your desired future should not be able to tolerate that!

Goal Setting and Intentional Living

1. Make sure the goal you are working for is something you really want, not just something that sounds good.

2. A goal can not contradict any of your other goals. For example, you can’t buy a $750,000 house if your income goal is only $50,000 per year. This is called non-integrated thinking and will sabotage all of the hard work you put into your goals. Non-integrated thinking can also hamper your everyday thoughts as well. We should continually strive to eliminate contradictory ideas from our thinking.

3. Develop goals in the 6 areas of life:

• Family and Home
• Financial and Career
• Spiritual and Ethical
• Physical and Health
• Social and Cultural
• Intellectual and Educational

Setting goals in each area of life will ensure a more balanced life as you begin to examine and change the fundamentals of everyday living. Setting goals in each area of life also helps in eliminating the non-integrated thinking we talked about in the 2nd step.

4. Write your goal in the positive instead of the negative. Work for what you want, state as though you have achieved it. Part of the reason why we write down and examine our goals is to create a set of instructions for our subconscious mind to carry out. Your subconscious mind is a very efficient tool, it can not determine right from wrong and it does not judge. It’s only function is to carry out its instructions. The more positive instructions you give it, the more positive results you will get. Thinking positively in everyday life will also help in your growth as a human being. Don’t limit it to goal setting.

5. Write your goal out in complete detail. Instead of writing “A new home,” write “A 4,000 square foot contemporary with 4 bedrooms and 3 baths and a view of the mountain on 20 acres of land. Once again we are giving the subconscious mind a detailed set of instructions to work on. The more information you give it, the more clear the final outcome becomes. The more precise the outcome, the more efficient the subconscious mind can become. Can you close your eyes and visualize the home I described above? Walk around the house. Stand on the porch off the master bedroom and see the fog lifting off the mountain. Look down at the garden full of tomatoes, green beans and cucumbers. And off to the right is the other garden full of a mums, carnations and roses. Can you see it? So can your subconscious mind.

6. Set the goals high. Shoot for the moon, if you miss you’ll still be in the stars.

7. This is the most important, write down your goals. Writing down your goals creates the roadmap to your success. Although just the act of writing them down can set the process in motion, it is also extremely important to review your goals frequently. Remember, the more focused you are on your goals the more likely you are to accomplish them. Sometimes we realize we have to revise a goal as circumstances and other goals change.  If you need to change a goal do not consider it a failure, consider it a victory as you had the insight to realize something was different.

So your goals are written down. Now what? First of all, unless someone is critical to helping you achieve your goal(s), do not freely share your goals with others. The negative attitude from friends, family and neighbors can drag you down quickly. It’s very important that your self-talk (the thoughts in your head) are positive. Reviewing your goals daily is a crucial part of your success and must become part of your routine. Each morning when you wake up read your list of goals that are written in the positive. Visualize the completed goal.

Then each night, right before you go to bed, repeat the process. This process will start both your subconscious and conscious mind on working towards the goal. This will also begin to replace any of the negative self-talk you may have and replace it with positive self-talk. Every time you make a decision during the day, ask yourself this question, “Does it take me closer to, or further from my goal.” If the answer is “closer to,” then you’ve made the right decision. If the answer is “further from,” well, you know what to do. If you follow this process everyday you will be on your way to achieving unlimited success in every aspect of your life.

These days I’m having a lot of conversation with managers and hiring managers regarding having the right team of people.  You’ve heard it before “Get the right people on the bus.”  “Do more with less.” 

The question is not unusual…how do we know for sure if we have the right people?  How do we know if we’re the person who should accept an invitation to board the bus?

The Hiring Manager’s Responsibility:

Have clear business goals

Identify the competence necessary to achieve those goals

Attend to human capital – align the who with the what

Be prepared to ask “Make or buy?”

Commit to uncovering competence in interviews with behavior-based techniques

Commit to developing competence for retention

If hiring managers are really doing their homework, they won’t need to be as slow to hire.  They will have a deliberate approach for finding the right people. 

The Challenge for the Job Candidate:

The challenge, here, sits on the shoulders of the job candidate. They may not be aware that the hiring organization actually has a plan.  If there is a planned interview and the candidate does not have a well prepared presentation, he/she is going to experience a heightened sense of needing to dodge shots in the dark.

So – what to do? 

 Know what you want!

• Know your values – where you would best fit
• Know both quantitative and qualitative achievements
• Be able to articulate these achievements in 60-seconds or less (with far more material available should you be asked to explain further)
• Understand fully what YOU DID to make the achievement happen.  The interviewer will link this to specific behaviors they are looking for.  They are attempting to envision YOU being successful in the position for which YOU are interviewing.  YOU need to help them want to invite you aboard the bus.

Your Message:

• Be “in charge” of your message.
• Be authentic.
• Be positive.
• Reflect matching values.
• Establish a vision powered by optimism and compelling language that links to the employer’s current and future needs.

Get a feel for the organization’s culture.  Read their press releases.  Identify the skills, attitudes and accomplishments they post to their website.  Amplify why you believe you are a strong match through your examples.

Here’s a visual of what you can do.

What it really comes down to is this:

1. Experience does not equate to competence
2. Competence  needs to be articulated as evidence that it can be demonstrated

When you are fully prepared as an interviewer and as a job candidate, you will find the experience that much more rewarding.  As a hiring manager, you’ll make better hiring decisions. As a job candidate, you’ll pursue better job openings.  You will be that much more professional in your approach.

For more on effective communication in interviews, consider participating in Dale Carnegie’s High Impact Presentations.  See yourself on video.  See yourself as others see you.  Make changes with a coach during an intensive 2-day experience. 

Here’s to competence!

Deb Titus

President of Human Capital Solutions, LLC
Authorized Dale Carnegie Consultant
Organization Development Consultant with specialty in Human Capital

Deb@debtitus.com
603.434.4042
www.nh.dalecarnegie.com

Being credible is an essential to the world of leadership and influence.

Here are some things to keep in mind.

Myths and Reality of Effective Speaking and Presenting

Myth 1: Good speakers are born, not made.  I was not born a good speaker, so I am a hopeless case.

Reality:             Good speakers take more time preparing and practicing than ineffective speakers.

Myth 2: I failed the first time I spoke in front of people, so I will fail from now on.

Reality:  Many successes start with a failure.  Thomas Watson, the founder of IBM says, “In order to succeed, double your failure rate.”

Myth 3: If I just follow exactly what someone says and does, I will be as effective as that person.

Reality:             Other people’s styles are extremely useful as models but, in the end, you must present the way that feels and is most comfortable and effective for you.

 Myth 4: People who speak and look confident are not nervous inside.

 Reality:             Most speakers experience some type of nervous energy that they accept and acknowledge and then use to energize themselves.

 Myth 5: People who speak well in meetings have an innate talent for giving impromptu talks.

Reality:             Impromptu speakers prepare as much as possible and use some type of structured format even when talking off-the-cuff.

Myth 6: Everyone has to love my talk and me or I am a failure.

Reality:             It does not matter if everyone loves you or even likes you.  Someone can dislike you or your talk but agree to do your next steps.

Myth 7: Every presentation I do must be perfect.

Reality:             The talented speaker always knows something will go wrong and just continues anyway.

Myth 8: I am too old and set in my ways to learn.

Reality:             You are never too old or too young to learn as long as you have an open attitude and willingness to apply yourself.

 Myth 9: I do not have enough chance to practice, so I will never feel confident.

Reality:             If you really want to practice your presentation skills, you can find many situations.

Myth 10:           I know I will die when I get up there to talk.

Reality:             You may feel like you are going to die, or, probably more accurately, you wish you would die before having to get up and talk, but you will not.  The National Safety Council reported that there were some 45,000 to 50,000 deaths in motor vehicles.     There is not one recorded death of anyone dying from stage fright.

 Myth 11:           Before I get up to talk, I feel physiological reactions–my heart beats faster and my breathing gets quicker.  Those sensations mean fear.

Reality:             The physiological reactions signal that you are energizing yourself (these are typical of Olympic athletes before they compete).  They are normal and can be drawn upon to energize you, not to immobilize you.

Conducting business in an environment of speed of light expectations, an organization can quickly become debilitated.

Characteristics of the 21^st Century

• Pervasiveness and Growth of Technology
• Globalization
• Competition
• Disequilibrium and Unprecedented Change
• Speed
• Complexity and Paradox

So what is intrapreneurship?

in-tra-pre-neur (Intre-pre-nur) n. 

A person within a large corporation who takes direct responsibility for turning an idea into a profitable, value-added finished product, service, or process through a combination of assertive application of knowledge, experience, and ability.

The outstanding intrapreneur, regardless of his or her specific function and role within an organization, consistently exhibits behaviors consistent with desired outcomes.  They challenge their actions and test them for validity in reaching goals.

Intrapreneurs are generators and implementers of plans and progress.  They participate fully in the achievement of results and recognize that when results are less than satisfactory, they look to themselves and their practices for the reasons why.

Competencies of an Intrapreneur

Goal/Results Orientation

Commitment, Responsibility and Ownership

Creativity, Problem-Solving, and Possibility Thinking

Initiative and Rapid Response

Communication, Spirited Conviction, and Influence

Internal Network Building

External, Cross-Boundary Collaboration

Tolerance for Stress, Ambiguity, and Change

Strategic Business Perspective

Continuous Learning  Should every company adopt the philosophy of Intrapreneurship?  Not all companies need to embrace a concept of corporate entrepreneurship. Some companies are doing quite well running their businesses in a planned, effective, and efficient manner. But some companies need a jolt, an infusion of creativity, especially if they are operating in rapidly changing or turbulent environments. Because rapidly changing environments are by definition unpredictable, planning becomes a fairly imprecise and blunt weapon. If you can’t plan for an unpredictable future, then you have to prepare for it by building an organization that is opportunity focused. Start-ups are already built for or around an opportunity that arises. They were probably built because someone saw an opportunity, and that someone quickly put people and resources together in order to capture that opportunity. Speed and flexibility are what allows start-ups and small entrepreneurial companies to send chills down the spines of their large bureaucratic brethren. Therefore, it is the large, slow moving, bureaucratic organization operating in an increasingly turbulent environment that needs to do the most amount of entrepreneurial soul searching. These are the companies that must build themselves to be more opportunity-focused in both mind and body, in both vision and structure. The companies who are coming to us for help in corporate entrepreneurship have at least seen the problem. They realize that opportunities are passing them by and the little guys are getting them. Siemens-Nixdorf, for example, became increasingly unhappy because they had a lot of smart people who were quite good at seeing new opportunities in the marketplace, but the company was so systematic, budget obsessed, and bureaucratized that it could not capture these opportunities in a timely fashion. Six months late to a high tech innovation party, is probably too late to catch up.

In the classroom, on the job, and in the moment – so many opportunities to communicate in a way that inspires people to do their best work.

Every Saturday, I teach a few young girls how to horseback ride.

Two to the girls are very athletic and have a good sense of balance. They happen to be sisters and they’re two years apart.  The other day, while the younger of the two was riding, I could see that all of the sudden she began to twist her body toward the direction in which she wanted the horse to move.  It wasn’t working.  I asked this nine-year old cheerleader ” What is it you’re trying to accomplish?”  In her cute young voice, “I’m trying to get Izzi to move to the right.”  I then asked if it was working and she quickly said ”It doesn’t look that way.” I had to laugh at her humor. 

I remembered she said she was a “flyer” on a cheerleading team.  She’s the one the other cheerleaders toss around.  From this knowledge, I asked if the cheerleaders benefit from her being straight and balanced and she said yes. She acknowledged that it helps them to hold her up better and when she is balanced, she is less likely to be dropped.  We discussed how it isn’t too different from being on the horse.  The horse will benefit from her being straight and balanced.  Even though she weighs only 80 pounds, that 1,100-pound beast can feel her.  From that second on, her posture remained straight and NOT once did I even ask her to straighten up her posture.  Why did this work so well?  Ah, I was communicating with her in her terms, in her frame of reference.

Here are some tips:

• Know the person to whom you are communicating.
  • Know their interests
  • Know their communication styles
  • Know their thinking styles
  • Know what motivates them
• Know your stuff!
  • Have analogies for things you need to explain…compare what you want them to understand (which may be unfamiliar) to those parallel things they DO understand. 
    •  i.e.  Just as the foundation cheerleader relies on the flyer cheerleader to be straight, strong and balanced in order to perform better as a team, so does a horse need it’s rider to be straight, strong and balanced in order for it to move properly and with more energy.
    • If explaining a process at work, rather than repeating the explanation of the process over and over again, think of a parallel thought that compares a concept with which the person is familiar to your process.  Try it, it works!
  • Be patient
    • Very few people respond well when they are under undue pressure.  Remind yourself that people need some time to learn.  If it’s worth learning correctly, it’s worth investing some of your time.
  • Break it down into bite-size pieces
    • Overload rarely works.  Don’t expect the world in 60 seconds!  Determine how best to break down the task or process for the person to achieve mastery of one component before learning the next component.
  • Demonstrate you have confidence in their ability
    • Never let your frustration show…it will send signs that you don’t believe in the other person.  People at all levels want to be seen as important and competent.  Let’s be sure to preserve the self esteem of others.
  • Know when to coach in motion or to press pause to talk something through
    • When it’s complex, press pause and talk it through – call a “time out.”
    • When it’s simple, it’s like a soccer coach calling out to the player to “pass the ball!”
  • Provide Feedback
    • People need to know how they’re doing.
    • No news is not good news.
    • Provide feedback in motion or press pause and provide it eye-ball to eye-ball.
    • Make it person-centered.  This means that while you are providing feedback to the person about their performance, you can link and relate it to the person’s strengths, traits and qualities that you admire and find helpful for the team.

I encourage you all to ask yourself what you want people to say about you behind your back as a manager and as a coach.  Remind yourself of these tips.

I’ll write more later…

Deb Titus

I’m no white water rafter but I have seen movies like “The River Wild” -and aside from Meryl Streep’s and Kevin Bacon’s outstanding performances, they moved through the process of conflict both on the raft and off. 

Last Friday evening I kicked off an intensive program on Conflict Management at Granite State College. Just before I left, I updated my status on Facebook with this pending activity.  Saturday morning, when I went online,  I found that a few people commented “I could use a course like that.”  So, I mentioned I would select that as my topic for People Sense for Business this week on www.wsmnradio.com (1590 Nashua’s News and Talk).  If you’re reading this before it airs – it will be today, this morning Monday, September 27 from 10 – 11 am. 

 

So what’s this talk of conflict being an adventure of progress?  Well, it comes down to choosing to look at conflict productively.  Most successful people do this by nature…many others simply learned how simply because they figured out quickly that looking at conflict as a dead-end result would not be good for business. 

Here is a definition from Cathy Constantino, author of Designing Conflict Management Systems which for me, inspired the white water rapids metaphor. 

Conflict is a process of navigating through the constant presence of movement and opportunity.  It’s like a river that leads us to a bigger, more dynamic place.

You have a choice… 

• Watch the process from the shore; preserve your comfort zone. 
• Get on then “jump ship” when it gets tough
• Learn to risk the opportunity and reap the reward through 100% participation in the process, then when skills are applied, they will lead you to a bigger and more dynamic place.

The challenge that most people have with conflict is with their talent in perceiving it inaccurately and running along with it as though it were truth.  The art of inference takes over and completely distorts one’s ability to actually be present and listen to the facts. 

 

Question: Is this an old lady with a wart on her nose or a young lady looking to her right?  Hmmm, interesting isn’t it?
This image simply has two sets of information.  Isn’t that typically what we discover when we’re in the midst of conflict; we learned that there is more information?  Information that we were not dealing with. 

If we can just diagnose the stages of conflict we’ll know when to take a step into the process of conflict…proactively versus reactively. 

 The Stages of Conflict is part of most Organizational Behavior curriculum.  In case you missed this – let’s apply the white water rafting metaphor. 

 

Stages: 

• Latent – conflict can be under the surface.  Be inquisitive.  No news is NOT good news.
• Perceived – if you don’t know for sure…check out your perceptions.  It’s not being an alarmist.
• Felt – okay, you’re in it – you feel it, it’s real…talk about it!
• Manifested – Hmm, it’s happening – use of oars and knowledge of the process would be very helpful here.
• Aftermath:
  • Resolved
  • Managed
  • Unmanaged

In business, we as leaders cannot afford to have the process of conflict go unmanaged.  It’s going to happen whether we are paying attention or sticking our heads in the sand.  Let’s go for managing the process by inserting ourselves into the dynamics of conflict early. 

Levels of Conflict - 

Ooh, now here’s another dimension of diagnosing the conflict and determining “who” is to be involved in the management of it.  So often people participate in the process yet they are participating with the wrong people.  You’ve heard it before, people trying to resolve conflict without the involved parties. Then decisions are made for them which in turn generates more conflict. 

So let’s look at this: 

This is pretty straight forward.  

 

Example:  You receive a phone call from a client about an issue that you knew was developing.  You sensed the problem long before the client called and you chose not to call, perhaps thinking the client wouldn’t notice.  Wrong!  They did…and you have to clean up the mess both in task and in maintenance of the relationship.  You get your team together and come up with a concession plan and offer them a discount for the next time around in addition to decreasing the fee for the project that went out.  Next, you call the client to fill them in on what you’re going to do for them and what do they say?  

“Thanks but no thanks.  We want a total refund and we’ll go to another vendor.” 

The challenge here is the vendor was in a “felt” stage of conflict. They were dealing with it at an intra-group level versus and inter-oranizational level.  They never listened.  They never got the right people involved to talk through solutions. 

Okay – there’s more… 

We can also look at the skills of inquiry and advocacy, conflict management modes as well as questions for testing a strategy.  What we have here in today’s blog should get you started. 

I encourage you to get involved in the process of conflict early with the right people.  Be sure you regulate your perceptions, check them out for clarity.  Vow to NEVER operate on pure assumptions.  You can adopt beliefs that contaminate your views and disable you from ever working with the REAL information.  Remember: to every situation there are at least two perspectives.  Each perspective is operating with some information and may represent very different historical stories which influence their ‘auto-pilot’ responses. 

Let’s agree to participate and respectfully challenge our auto-pilot, slow down the process, listen to learn and open yourself up to be influenced and even at the possibility of arriving at an entirely different solution than you or the other party had in the beginning. 

Enjoy the white water rapids! 

~Deb 

President
Human Capital Solutions, LLC
Organization Development Consultant
Leadership Enhancer/Workforce Developer/Trainer
Authorized Dale Carnegie Consultant
deb@debtitus.com
603.434.4042

Okay all of you naysayers!  Stop it this instant!  Stop the thoughts that will win -and if they DO win, YOU lose!  That’s right! 

Decide right now that your business can no longer tolerate excuse codes! Excuse codes?  I picked this up from one of my clients.  He’s a Division Leader of one of the world’s largest high tech firms.  He simply put it this way…”I can’t stand excuse codes.”  The two of us had fun with examples such as:

• “I can’t.”
• “That won’t work.”
• ” I think it will be too risky.”
• “I called him but he didn’t call me back.”
• “We have to be more careful, people are watching us.”
• “I don’t want to do anything that will cause any waves.”
• “I couldn’t get it done because I was waiting for…”
• “I don’t think the boss wants us thinking for her.”

When we get into the weeds of a business operation, the excuse codes get more specific and they seem to highlight why something was not done.

While this kind of thinking and behaving is unacceptable, it is not easily converted to more productive thinking and action.    In order for productive action to take place, excuse codes must come to a screeching halt! 

Let’s take a look at why they happen so we can better understand that it will take patience and leadership to make the shift.  In order to do this, we need to appreciate the role that boundaries play.

There are at least two types of boundaries: Real and Perceived.

1. A Boundary is a limit.  Boundaries can be real or perceived.  They can be situation – specific and therefore change.   These boundaries can be rules, laws, truths, perceptions, myths, and absolutes surrounding you and your activities in business and elsewhere. Real and perceived boundaries can perform either functionally (serving the person or organization productively) or dysfunctionally (serving the individual or organization unproductively).   

 

Boundaries are the product of values and beliefs.  These are the components of boundaries that act as their main structure.   

 A Value is a principle, standard, or quality considered worthwhile or desirable.

 A Belief is something that is accepted as a truth.    This truth becomes a standard.  The standard takes form as a boundary (physical or figuratively)

A Real Boundary can be temporary or permanent yet either way for the moment and circumstance, they are unchangeable and action needs to be focused on working within these terms.

It is absolute, non-negotiable, it just is.  It has been explicitly communicated, it is observable, it can present itself as a ticking clock and the dwindling time to complete a project.

 A Perceived Boundary is based on what is inferred, assumed to be.  It is negotiable yet appears to be otherwise..  This quality is not broadcast typically; rather, the individual or group understands that the boundary appears to be real.  Depending on the individual or group’s views on boundaries, they may not view this as negotiable and therefore, this boundary will act as a real boundary. 

We can have meaningful conversations with our team about boundaries and actually set the stage to achieve breakthroughs.  It is important to recognize that we need some degree of constraints (or parameters) to breakthrough boundaries that are no longer serving us well.

Here’s a process for you to try – let me know how it works for you.  My clients have had great success with this and perhaps you will also:

 

1. State a goal you want/need to achieve
2. State all the boundaries in which you are operating
3. Define the origin of each boundary you are able to ‘name.’
4. Assess the positive consequences (emotionally and/or behaviorally) of having this boundary as it relates to your goal
5. Assess the negative consequences (emotionally and/or behaviorally)of having this boundary as it relates to your goal
6. Assess if these boundaries are congruent  drivers to your goal or roadblocks to your goal?
7. Honestly assess the validity of the boundaries today – revisit the origin.  How much has changed and learned since the boundary was originally defined or discovered?
8. Honestly ask if it is time to leave this boundary behind and breakthrough it
9. Which boundaries, if any need to stay in place?
10. What new boundaries do we need to define?

The word boundary means many different things to different people.  I challenge you to address your organization’s boundaries and identify those that are functional and dysfunctional.  Then, I challenge you to commit to breakthrough those invalid boundaries, or the excuse codes so you can unleash the appetite for learning, achieving and greatness.

Deb Titus

President
Human Capital Solutions, LLC
Organization Development Consultant
Leadership Enhancer/Workforce Developer/Trainer
Authorized Dale Carnegie Consultant
deb@debtitus.com
603.434.4042

This past weekend, my husband  Scott and I hiked the Welch-Dickey Loop.  (4.4 miles, less than 2000 elevation, I think.)

About one -third up, we hear ahead of us, “I can’t! I caaaaaaaaan’t!   I can’t go any further!”   This was coming from a young child.  Then we heard “Stop complaining!  Keep going!”  This came from one adult and then from the other we heard, “You have to say ‘I can’.”    By this time, Scott and I are just on their heels and now we can see it was a young girl, not more than 6 or 7 moaning “I can’t say I can.”

This young girl was like Jello trying to walk up.  The woman (probably the girl’s mother) had her hand on the girl’s back for fear this kid was going to just slide down the granite.  

Let’s equate this to leading in business.  Last Thursday, I conducted a one-day seminar for transitioning managers/leaders and there seemed to be a fifty-fifty split on work cultures in the businesses represented.  Half were more in line with “Stop complaining and keep going.”  The other half were like the woman holding up their employees, not being able to let go or delegate for fear the work would drop and suffer.

What the 25 people conceded was that in order to get their people to make “the hike up” they need to better understand their people and discover ways to lead from the inside out.

I’ll write more about this soon…